


Together

by brokencasbutt67



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst, Cuddling, Depression, F/M, Fluff, Kissing, Self Harm, Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2020-05-20 23:15:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19386436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brokencasbutt67/pseuds/brokencasbutt67
Summary: If you are struggling and need support, please seek it. Alternatively, you can email me at brokencasbutt67@gmail.com and while I'm not a therapist, I've been through a lot of stuff myself and i can help.This was commissioned.





	1. 2008

_ 2008  _

This place, the same four walls that you would call home for most of the year, today they’re a cage. The exits are blocked by the demons in your mind. It should be easy,  _ just stand up and walk through the door, there’s nothing there.  _ But nothing is ever that easy. Every ounce of energy has been sapped from your body. Breathing is a chore, never mind the mere thought of moving. A buzz across the trailer, your phone lit up with the notification of a text message. It’s probably Jared. He and Jensen had planned to go out tonight, to celebrate the finishing of the newest season. 3 years, and still, you’re a disposable character. Every year, you have the same thought.  _ Next season is my last.  _ It never happens. You know you should move from the bed, you know you need to. But it’s too much effort. The bed is so warm, the duvet is protecting you from the demons inside your mind. Though, it can never fully protect you from them. 

You have a knife, you could cut yourself free and run, run for miles until you have gotten far away, so far away that you can’t be found anymore. But that’s not what you use the knife for. You should use it for that, but you don’t. You use it to let the emotions out in a different way. You still remember the day Jared found out about it. 

_ It was an infamous Winchester sibling fight scene. It was rare for it to be your character, the middle child, Mary’s daughter, and Sam though, it was more common for it to be Sam and Dean’s character, Dean was the most argumentative of the Winchester trio. The fight was going to turn physical, with Sam throwing the reader’s character across a room, the cause of it would be later determined in the episode, but to the audience, it was just Sam being angry when it happens. Jared had offered to take you to a gym to practice, claiming that the gym has a room made of foam. You agreed, not aware in the moment of potential impact that it could have. What a mistake it would be.  _

_ The gym was filled with jocks, a few ogled your body and sneered shitty comments as you walked through, comments about your appearance, and one about something that would make the most sexually experienced people blush like a nun in a brothel. Jared rested his hand at the bottom of your back, protectively, as he led you into one of the back rooms. It didn’t take long for you to both be reciting your lines, the curses flowing off your tongue with ease. Jared picked you up, as it said in the script. As he moved to toss you, you felt your t-shirt begin to rise. Jared didn’t notice you trying to push it down, but when you hit the floor, his eyes were drawn to the scars that covered your stomach, some faded and white, some fresh, red and raw. You yanked your t-shirt down faster than humanly possible, but Jared had already seen them. It was too late.  _

_ His eyes met your own, before he moved to kneel in front of you.  _ _   
_ _ “(Y/N)...” He murmured. Your eyes avoided his, drawn instead to the blue and yellow padding that covered the walls. His hand moved to lift the material of your t-shirt, his eyes again drawn to the scars. He brushed his thumb over the scars.  _ _   
_ __ “When did this happen?” He asked. You shrugged, moving to sit up. 

_ “I should go” You murmur, tugging your t-shirt back down and almost sprinting out of the room, without so much as a glance behind to see a heartbroken Jared kneeling on the floor.  _

You were pulled out of your daydream by your phone buzzing again. Instead of moving, to answer whoever was calling you, you turned over and buried yourself further in the safe haven that was your thin duvet.    


* * *

 

_ A few months later  _

You were hesitant when he first brought it up. Who wouldn’t be? Your mind conjured up various headlines, all saying the same thing.  _ Supernatural Actress seen leaving therapy.  _ Jared, somehow, managed to break your perception, and with the infamous Sam Winchester puppy eyes, you were agreeing to go to therapy. 

Jared went with you to the first session. He claimed that it was to support you, to be by your side, though for some days after, you suspected he needed the support more than you did. This would later be proven. During the therapy sessions, Jared listened intently to every single word you said, he answered the questions that the therapist asked you, he was given the same tasks as you. You were surprisingly comfortable while you were there. She was a nice lady, the therapist, she was a portly woman, looked to be coming on 50. No wedding ring, the first thing you noticed. She seemed happy enough as she was. 

At the first appointment, she assumed that you and Jared were dating, though quickly Jared corrected her. The heartbreak you felt in that moment, despite not dating Jared, was something you felt for weeks after. Jared didn’t seem to notice it, but if he did, he did a damn good job of hiding it. 

It wasn’t until at least the 4th appointment that you began to learn more about Jared’s depression, his anxiety and insecurities. Many of them were similar to your own, though some were different. The one that surprised you most was learning that Jared was insecure about his appearance. He’s the most attractive man you’ve ever met. After that session, you began focusing more towards Jared’s mental health. It felt nice to have someone to focus your attention on, it helped take your mind off of your own issues. 

* * *

It was another month before anything major happened. You and Jared had planned to go out  for dinner together. Since you’d both started therapy, you’d gotten so much closer, so much so that Jensen was becoming suspicious. Walking up the few concrete stairs to Jared’s house, you’re reminded how humble Jared is. He can afford a luxury mansion, yet he’s got a small semi-detached on a sub-urban street. You raise a fist, giving three firm knocks while attempting to fix your hair in the reflection of the gold 62. After a few moments, you slowly turned the knob, like Jared had once told you to do.  _ Just walk in  _ he’d said  _ I’ll probably be taking a shit _ .    
“Jay! It’s me” You called into the silent house. A few moments later, you hear stumbling, followed by a few choice curse words, and a strained    
“I’ll be with you in a minute” 

Walking up the stairs, you weren’t sure what to expect when you opened Jared’s door, but it’s not this. It takes you a few moments to process the sight in front of you. Jared is topless, there’s a blade discarded on the floor. Blood is dripping, staining the carpet. He scrambles for a t-shirt, a sweatshirt, anything to cover his arm.    
“Oh Jay” You coo, pulling him into your arms, not bothered about the blood staining your clothes. Jared holds you impossibly tight, sobbing.    
“C’mon, let’s get you cleaned up. We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to” You say softly, while shifting to hold Jared’s head in your hands. You wipe away his tears, calming him down slightly. Jared nods, holding your hand in his own. 

It takes just over an hour to clean the wounds and bandage them. Jared is silent throughout, his eyes trained to the floor.   
“Right then, I think it’s time to cheer you up. I know you don’t wanna talk about it. So, how about I order us take out and we watch a movie? Might cheer you up a bit” You suggest. A small smile graces Jared’s face, and you already know, a bit of progress has been made. 

By the end of the night, Jared is completely different. While the few hours haven’t magically cured his depression, you’ve taken his mind off of it. He’s smiled, cuddled you, and even gone as far as to laugh with you at the movie he’d put on. You eventually fell to sleep, cuddled together on the sofa that is far too small for both of you.

* * *

The next therapy appointment that you go to with Jared, he tells her everything. You feel the  heat rushing to your cheeks as he talks about how you saved him, how you cleaned his wounds and spent the night cuddled in his arms. He admits that having you in his arms is the best feeling he’s felt in a long time. By the end of the appointment, you’re sure that the therapist, who you’ve since learnt is called Janice, thinks you’re dating.  _ If only,  _ you can’t help but think as you leave the building with Jared. 

You celebrate Jared’s ‘Coming Clean’ by going out for a beer together. A few women are blatantly checking Jared out, but he doesn’t seem to notice them, but if he does, he’s doing a good job of ignoring them. He’s focussed on you. You’re the only person he’s showing an interest in, in the entire bar. Jensen meets you both at some point, and you and Jared decide to come clean to him about everything that is going on. 

Jensen is incredibly supportive of both of you. He does everything in his power to ensure you’re both okay. He becomes more concerned when Jared becomes withdrawn. The therapy sessions seem to be helping Jared the most though, he gets an offload to someone who doesn’t see him every single day. Sure, you’re there, but if you weren’t, Jared is certain that he wouldn’t be either. Between his anxiety, and your support, Jared has found himself the best way to get the help he needs. 


	2. 2011

_ 2011   
_ Jared doesn’t suspect a thing, that’s what important to you. Your issues aren’t important, it’s Jared that’s important. He’s the reason why you can’t end it all,for Jared. He dropped you off, less than half an hour ago, and here you are, on the floor of your bedroom. Tears are streaming down your cheeks. 

“(Y/N)” Jared murmured, dropping to his knees in front of you.   
“J-jay...when did you get here?” You asked, wiping your eyes.   
“I came cos I think I left my wallet in your purse...what’s going on?” Jared said, while wrapping his arms around you and lifting you up gently. He moved to sit you on the bed.   
“I just...I don’t know” You admitted.   
“It feels like everything is too much, and yet, there’s nothing at all” You sigh. Jared frowns.   
“Why didn’t you say anything?” He asked.   
“You have your own issues, mine can wait” You sigh. 

Jared shakes his head and lifts you into his lap.   
“Don’t you ever think that, you hear me? You are so important to so many people, you mean everything to Jen, to the fans, and so much more to me” He whispered, while cupping your cheeks in his large hands.  
“Don’t say that Jay, please, don’t say what you don’t mean” You said, almost begging as your voice began voice wavering at the threat of more tears, more sobs. Jared cupped your cheeks, and in a moment of his weakness, he kissed you. It was messy, a clash of tongues. Jared’s hands slid through your hair, holding your head still.   
“I love you, I have for the longest time. I’ve wanted to date you for so long, but my mental state has never been right...” Jared admitted. He took your hand in his own.   
“C’mon, gimme a hug” Jared said, holding his arms open. He had a small smile on his face, and it was so contagious that it made you smile too. Jared pulled you into his arms and hugged you tightly. 

Jared eventually persuaded you to move downstairs into the living room. You cuddled together on the sofa and watched a movie, Jared’s arm resting over the back of the sofa, allowing you to sit comfortably beneath it. For the first time in a long time, you were laughing. Jared couldn’t help but fall more in love with you as you were laughing, having fun and being yourself. 

“Jay, do you ever wish you could help the fans how they help us?” You said softly. It’s close to midnight, the only sound in the room is the breathing of each of you.   
“What do you mean?” He asked.   
“The fans, they do so much for us, yet I sometimes wish I could help the ones who have depression, anxiety and anything else, but have nowhere to go. Like me when I was younger” You whisper.   
“You mean like... I don’t know...we have the anti-possession symbols. Fans already say that if they see that, they know that they can talk to the wearer...maybe a charity campaign? Like what Stands do?” He suggests. You smile.   
“The money raised could be invested into charities here for mental health” You suggested. Jared smiled, nodding.   
“What would it be called though?” You pondered. 

__ The first time you found Jared like this, it scared you. Blood covered his fingers, arms and the floor around him. Tears had stained his now reddened cheeks, he looked so distraught. Wordlessly, you took his hand in your own and began cleaning the wounds. Jared’s eyes didn’t meet your own, you could see the fear in them. He was terrified, of a rejection that wouldn’t come.   
“Jay” You whispered, cupping his cheeks gently.   
“You’re the strongest man I know, you can always keep fighting.” 

“Always keep fighting” You said softly. Jared smiled widely, wrapping an arm around you.   
“C’mon, let's go up to bed. We can think about this tomorrow” He said softly. You nodded and stood up.   
“You want me to set up the spare bed?” Jared asked.   
“You can share with me if you’d prefer” You suggested, while checking the time. Jared nodded and followed you up the stairs. You walked into the bedroom, stripping off and climbing into bed quicker than you had for a long time. 

Jared’s arm was a comfortable weight around you, his warmth transferred to you. Cuddling with Jared, it’s one of the nicest experiences you’ve ever had. You’re awake before him, which is a surprise to you. He’s cuddled close to you, still holding you tightly. Easing yourself from the bed, you make your way to your kitchen and begin cooking Jared some bacon and waffles. 

Jared is walking down the stairs just as the bacon is cooked.   
“Thought I smelt bacon” He chuckled. Your eyes are drawn to his toned chest, and tight boxers, but you quickly averted your eyes back to the bacon. Jared chuckled and moved to sit down, eyes widening when you put a pile of waffles and bacon in front of him.   
“Need anything, just gimme a shout” You said. Jared nodded.   
“This is more than enough for me, thank you” He smiled. 

A while later, Jared had gone upstairs to get dressed while you cleared the dishes.   
“Hey, (Y/N)...wanna talk about what we said last night?” Jared asked. You flinched, making the water slosh around you.   
“We can do, lemme just finish this” You said. Jared nodded and moved to sit at the table, fiddling with his phone. Smiling, you moved to sit opposite him, reaching for some paper. At the top of the page, you wrote ‘ALWAYS KEEP FIGHTING’ in bubble writing. Jared smiled and watched as you made a couple of notes on the page. 

The page was filled in half an hour, full of all of the information that you’d need.   
“I’ll contact Represent, and we can work with them to design the clothes and stuff” Jared said softly. You nodded and took a picture of the paper, before giving it to Jared.   
“Hey, thank you...for last night” You said softly. Jared smiled.   
“No need to thank me, just talk to me more” He said softly. You nodded and hugged him tightly, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek before he turned on his heel, leaving your house. 

It took a few weeks to have the first designs finalised. You and Jared had decided to announce it on a live stream, but the date was yet to be confirmed, depending on when Represent would let you. Jared appeared at your door, the morning that you were able to live stream. You were still in your pyjamas. He was sweaty, suggesting that he was on his morning run.   
“Morning” You smiled, opening the door. Jared smiled, inviting him in.   
“Morning. Good news” He smiled. You smiled and moved to sit down, Jared followed you. He sat down and smiled.   
“I have heard from Rep, they said we can go live today” He smiled.   
“We can after I’m dressed. Sound like a plan?” You said. Jared nodded and smiled. Standing up, you went up the stairs and got dressed in some jeans and the Always Keep Fighting t-shirt that Represent had sent you. 

“You look amazing” Jared said, when he saw you walk in the living room. Heat flushed your cheeks.   
“Thanks” You murmured, moving to sit down beside Jared. He pulled his phone out and opened Facebook. 

Jared was talking, while you were just keeping yourself occupied, trying to keep your anxiety low.   
“So, (Y/N) is wearing the first of the shirts that we have” He said, turning the camera to you. You waved to the fans before shifting to show the shirt that you were wearing. The fans were constantly commenting, filling the bottom of the screen. You smiled and rubbed Jared’s hand, just out of view of the camera. He smiled to you.   
“Any way guys, we’re gonna head off. I am one sweaty mother fucker, and I’m pretty sure (Y/N) has shit to do” Jared said. You chuckled slightly, shrugging. Truth be told, you haven’t got anything to do, it’s one of _them_ days where there’s nothing to do.   
“Peace out guys” Jared says, while smiling to the camera. You smile and wave before he ends the live stream. You smile and hug him gently.   
“When did they say the shop will open?” You asked.   
“I’m not entirely sure” Jared admitted.   
“I think they said they’ll call me” He added. You nodded and smiled. Jared smiled and pulled you into a tight hug.   
“I’m proud of you” He smiled while standing up. 

A few moments later, he left the house. You smile and watch as he leaves your house.


	3. 2011 - Continued

It’s at a convention when the questions about Always Keep Fighting begin to flow. It was the first of the convention circuit, the store would be open in a few months. A young adult was handed the microphone, standing up.   
“Hi, I’m a massive fan of the show. Could I ask, what led to the idea of Always Keep Fighting? As someone who has suffered depression in the past, it feels like it is hidden away, especially by parents. To have someone in your...positions with the audiences that you reach, it’s such a relief and just...amazing” They said. You looked to Jared, nodding slightly. He knew what you were saying.   
“Well, uh, good question. For a long time, both me and (Y/N) have struggled with depression and anxiety. After a particularly bad night, we came up with the idea. Money raised from the t-shirts, like the one that (Y/N) is currently wearing” Jared said, while gesturing to your t-shirt “The money raised will be going towards charities, such as To Write Love On Her Arms, and other mental health charities” Jared said. You smiled slightly, hearing the applause from the audience. Jared smiled, rubbing your side. 

A few weeks later, the store opened for the shirts. Immediately, the store was overwhelmed with sales. Thousands were sold, raising thousands of dollars for charities. It overwhelmed you and Jared with emotion. 

You and him did another live stream once the campaign was over, thanking everyone who’d bought a t-shirt. Many of the comments were asking for more similar campaigns, and after that night, you and Jared decided to make some more campaigns in the future, even thinking about using some fanart. Every campaign that you did raised thousands of dollars, with Jensen even becoming involved with them, meaning that the fans were all wanting to buy more. 


	4. 2019

_2019_

It was time to make a difficult decision. The show was beginning to come to an end, and it was time to decide whether or not to add more seasons, even though the show was beginning to recycle plot lines that didn’t work, or whether or not to end the show after the next season. Jensen had made it clear that he didn’t want to end the show, but he wants to spend more time with Dan and his kids. That was the reason that supported your decision, to end the show, that Jensen had lost so many major events in his children’s lives, because he would be filming. Jared wanted the show to carry on, but without Jensen, it wouldn’t be the same. 

Jared arrived at your house, the night when he was due to make his decision. He had tears streaming down his cheeks, the faint smell of alcohol lingered on his breath. You pulled him into your house, frowning.   
“Jay” You said softly, confusion lacing your voice. It’s been a long time since you have seen Jared like this. He fell onto your sofa, sighing heavily.   
“I can’t do it...it feels like I’ve killed a part of me” He admitted. You knew instantly what he meant. 

Pulling Jared close, you hugged him gently.   
“It’s okay” You said softly, stroking your fingers through his hair. Jared sobbed into your shoulder, barely calming down.   
“It’s okay, Jay, it’s okay” You murmured, rocking him like a baby. Eventually he calmed down enough to talk.   
“I have an idea” You said softly. Moving to the television, you turned Supernatural season one on. Jared frowned.   
“What are you doing?” Jared asked, watching as you moved to sit beside him.   
“Watching Supernatural. We’re gonna watch every season over the next few months. I want you to see what I see in the show, how far it has come, through the bad episodes and the good. It’s the right time Jay, if the show carries on, the fans will get bored” You said softly. Jared nodded, moving to sit comfortably beside you on the sofa. 

It was half way through Phantom Traveler when Jared was snoring beside you. Smiling, you turned Supernatural off. Jared stirred slightly while you moved, and he looked up through sleepy eyes.   
“C’mon, let’s go up to bed” You said softly. Jared smiled and nodded, attempting to stand up. Holding his hand, you helped him walk upstairs. Jared smiled and walked into your bedroom, while changing into his boxers. You smiled and changed into your sleep wear, before climbing into the bed. Jared’s arm came to fall around your waist.   
“Sleep well beautiful” He whispered. 

The next morning, Jared was still beside you. His arm is holding you impossibly tight.   
“Morning” You whispered. Jared smiled sleepily.   
“Morning” He whispered. His words from the previous night are still heavy on your mind.   
“Waffles and bacon?” You asked. Jared smiled widely and nodded. You smiled and climbed out of the bed, rubbing your eyes awake. Jared climbed out of your bed and followed you down the stairs. 

You were about to plate the food when Jared moved behind you and began kissing at your neck.   
“I know you might not believe me, but I do love you. I have for a while” He admitted. You flushed and bit your lip.   
“Jay, I uh...I love you too, okay. But right now, when neither of us have a perfect mental state, it wouldn’t be a good idea” You said softly, while plating up the bacon. Jared sighed, but nodded.   
“I understand, you’re probably right” He admitted. He moved to sit at the table. You moved to sit opposite him.   
“For what it’s worth Jay, I would love to be in a relationship with you. I really would, but for now, we both need to focus on our mental health” You said, while taking Jared’s hand into your own. His hazel eyes met your own, a small smile on his face. He nodded.   
“If you want, we can still hug, kiss and hold hands, all that stuff” He suggested. You smiled and nodded, rubbing your thumb over the back of his hand.   
“Want to watch more Supernatural after breakfast?” You suggested. Jared smiled and nodded, while eating his bacon. 

A while later, you and Jared moved to sit on the sofa, to watch more episodes of Supernatural. It had been a tough few weeks, but with the support of each other, both you and Jared knew that you’d both be able to always keep fighting. 


End file.
